the lack of regret i feel about the shit i’ve been doing is probably worse than the shit i’ve been doing
its weird because i bitch about james all day like he sucks how much i hate him i whip myself into a frothy hate and then when i see him im fine, maybe less touchy than we were before, but yeah idk kissing him is still straight but i hate seeing him from afar because he looks like such a big douchebag his stupid parted hair is dumb and he doesn’t own a belt like what the fuck but there’s a lot to him i like especially kissing him i felt the same way at patricks or rather at mcdonalds after patricks when i kissed him and it was so great and nostalgic and sad all at the same time even though we havent broken up yet but that’s what it was. it felt like kissing someone goodbye for whatever reason. and earlier i was stoked to talk to him but maybe it was just to talk to anyone for any reason at all because he was dumb shot like incompetent-shot, past the point of lizzing, so i wasn’t really talking to james i was just talking and it was fine. but he was so shot that he sounded uninterested you know? idk if it was that i assume it wasn’t because things have been relatively clear from his end as far as i know so maybe it’s fine. he said he had to go and he sounded miserable and it made me sad, seeing/hearing/perceiving him as being uninterested in me SUCKS DICK AND I HATE IT maybe that’s why i feel the need to end it myself because i cannot let myself be on the other end of the spectrum idk what if he did break up with me? it would definitely be cause to freak out. it’s our three month anniversary today. es que nos falta hablar
CHARLIE AND I SMOKED A JOINT TODAY WALKING DOWN FUCKING PARK AVENUE///
soooo hot but then again not at all
i figured we could get away with it cause everyone that sees matt smoking a rolled cigarette thinks its a joint and nobody does anything anyway so chuckles and i held it like a bowgee and it was fine :)))))
